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Admiral
& dinghy hanging from a tree!
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 It’s
true but I can explain why the Cruise Ship Dingy
is now hanging in a tree. I had a task to perform, not a
difficult job, simply take the Cruise Ship Dingy
out of the water, put her on her trailer and off to
Johnny the welder; sounds easy!
Let me say that I have over
35 years of experience living aboard a boat or ship,
mostly on the Pacific Ocean. I’m a blue water sailor. Now comes
my first command as a trailer sailor. Can’t be that hard says I.
Ah Matey, that’s what I thought! So, I weigh anchor all by me
onesies and row my little cruise ship over to the crab dock
while the crab fleet is out and prepare to load it aboard its
trailer. So good, so far! Point of fact is, I’ve never backed up
a trailer before, in fact I’ve never done anything with a
trailer; a camera dolly for movie making is the closet thing on
wheels that I’ve ever played with. Even so, I can do this says
I, all by me onesies, so I climb aboard the van and back it up,
put it into place, walk over, grab the trailer and drag it over
to the van. All by me onesies, ha ha, I can do this. I put the
tongue on the ball and it won't go down and into place. So I
stand on the toung and jump, and jump, and jump. Aaarrrgh!
not working and I’m getting sweaty, good time to practice nasty
sailor language, so I jump and quote nasty sailor talk. Aaarrrgh
this is loads of fun, but I’m getting tired, so I sit down on
the tongue to rest. I’m looking at the top of the tongue were
the ball is, wonder what this lever thing is so I try to turn
it, aaarrrgh not turning, what is this thingy? What happens if I
lift it? So I do and almost falls on me arrrse, and at the same
time the trailer falls into place. Ha ha, I did it all by me
onesies!
Let's
see how I do at backing up a trailer; ha ha, I can do this. Off
goes the van with Dingy at the helm. I get it into
position well enough and then the comedy of errors begins. Hey,
this trailer is not doing what I want it to do. I want it to go
to port and it goes starboard. I get out of the van and pull the
trailer around by hand, back into the van and go again. Well,
that’s not working, the trailer goes starboard and I want it to
go to port. By now I have been working at this for about 20 min.
and not getting the trailer into the water and all this time the
bartender and the customers at Toups Marina are
laughing their poop decks off at my inability to put a trailer
into the water. Aaarrrgh I guess that is funny watching a sailor
that can’t even back a trailer. The Cruise Ship Dingy
is now on the trailer and I did it all by me onesy.
Off I go, at least that’s
what I though, it seems that the fender is scraping on the tire
and it’s smoking. Aaarrrgh, what to do? Well, this seems easy,
I’ll remove the fender. Ah Matey, that will work! OK, now the
fender is off, what to do with the nuts and bolts. I don’t want
to lose them so I put them right back onto the fender so I don’t
lose them, smart ha! Got that job done and off I go again.
Whoops, not so quick, remember the nuts and bolts that I
carefully put on the fender so I wouldn’t lose them?. Well, I
found that was not so smart. Oh sure, I didn’t lose the nuts and
bolts, but it seems that they held the axle onto the trailer. I
didn’t even get a hundred yards before I figured that out. It’s
a good thing I had the boat strapped onto the trailer or she
would have fallen off. As I look into the rear view mirror I see
the dinghy is leaning to the port side and the wheel has moved
back. The frame on the trailer is bent down and is dragging on
the ground. Got a serious prob and I did it all by me onesies!
The boat
is sitting on the side of the road looking like an accident that
did happen; well now, this is not good advertisement. This is
not an Admiral Dingy move; it’s a Dumb Dingy
move, and not something I want to be seen. The cars are going by
honking and waving. I’m into a Dumb Dingy mode and
wish to get out of it. So off I go dragging the dinghy behind me
back to the marina very slowly, I bring the dingy to a stop
almost under a big tree. Ha ha, now to get this dinghy off the
trailer. Simple, I can do this all by me onesies! Yep simple, I
go aboard Neptune’s Castle, grab my coffin hoist,
some line, and off goes Boatswain Mate Dingy to take the dinghy
off the trailer and hang up into the tree. 5 hours later it’s
done with no Dumb Dingy moves.
By
this time I’m hot and sweaty working in my dive trunks and
thinking Cow Bayou seems like a nice place to be
into. Off I go to the boat ramp and here comes Jake the
Fishing Dog, Jake is a large dog, Lab and
Siberian husky, scary as a storm off a lee shore. Well,
that’s what he looks like but he’s really a mellow dog with a
strong playful side. Well, I made it to the boat ramp with
my flip-flops and my swimsuit on. Got to tell ya that water sure
felt good on my feet as I’m standing on the boat loading ramp,
so I walk a little further right into another Dumb Dingy move.
Seems boat ramps get a little on the slick side and yes you
guessed it, Dumb Dingy is there to take the fall and that’s what
I did. Aaarrrgh right on me fantail and I hit hard. After
I stopped sliding down and came to rest on the bottom like a
sinking ship with me fantail up and bow down. I just stayed
there for a short time holding my breath and collecting my
thoughts. Now I get me head together and I’m ready to move to
the surface, when all of a sudden an alligator got me by my
swimsuit and is pulling me. Have you ever heard when you’re at
death's door you re-live your life in slow motion? well,
that didn’t happen to me, but things did go in slow motion. I’m
in deep, an alligator has got me by the fantail and is dragging
me off to his nest to eat me. Dumb Dingy is dead! I try to grab
the bottom and hold on, that’s not working, it’s only slim.
There is one powerful gator that’s got me and he is on the move
taking me with him. There is nothing I can do, the gator has got
me by the shorts close to the short hairs and I’m doomed. Now
I’m thinking, does a gator have to be above the water to bite
again if he gets another bite on me and starts twisting and
turning like gators do? I’m missing body parts I’d rather
not lose and I’m dead for sure. Finally we break the surface,
the gator has drug me out of the water almost feet first and in
the process has got my swimsuit now off and I’m nude, but free.
This is my chance to get up and run. I’ve heard gators are fast
on land so I start running as fast as I can, zig zaging because
alligators can’t turn fast. Ah, but dogs can and about that time
Jake the fishing dog passes me up with my swimsuit
in his mouth and he is in a playful mode. Oh I get, it’s no
alligator, and it’s Jake the fishing dog. Sure had
me scared!
By Admiral Dingy
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